I don’t know very well where should I begin, but I wonder, does it really matter where I begin? Is the first impression ephemeral?
Hmph, anyway, college has been superb but weighty on me. Though I’ve matured, I see myself making some old mistakes.
Old habits die hard, I guess. I haven’t changed that negligent way of me, I wish I was more diligent.
But, hopefully, I’ve became much better on human interaction. Really, I’ve always had this problem with relations, communication and dealings with people. I didn’t know how to behave- no, I was so afraid I did not know how to behave or that I would make any mistake that I usually became inhibit.
Now I’m rejoicing in the fact that I found incredible people, who I actually talk with, call me out and etcetera. They consist into 3 beings:
1) The lovely Ms. J who is a short, funny and cute girl. She loves most of the stuff I love too. Like mangá, anime, BJD, poupeé, gothic lolita, kimonos and the list goes on. Resuming: all that stuff that’s nerd but nevertheless cool.
2) The so cult Mr. A. He’s the typical cult gay guy, – who is certainly gay – has read all the books you can imagine and has an opinion on just about anything. Sometimes I feel like we have a tough-love relation, since we both can be annoyingly opinators. But I admire him. You know that one person that you meet and you automatically think: ‘this person is destined to be a visionary.’? He’s that person.
3) And lastly, but not least, the wacko: Mr. K. He’s a eccentric alternative boy. He’s gay – have you noticed I have only gay friends? – and hilarious. He can be a bit venomous, but not in a horrific way. I think we have a, not exactly more intimate, but a closer relation since Mr. A and Ms. J are really close to each other, what shun us a bit.
Talking about them reminds me that we have gone out together this weekend.
We were at this café – which had this amazing lemon pie – talking about random things, mostly about college and people indoor. Somehow I managed to bend that conversation towards Mr. Naru, – seems that I’ve became a pro at anyhow putting him as the center subject – and for the thousand time I asked them to be my personal spying agents to discover if he’s truly gay or not, since they know him too.
Probably was the way I asked. With that mischief grin that was, somehow, shy and indulgent, what unmasked my intentions. So Ms. J asked/spoke to me: “Whoa Vanny, stop it, you’re in love with him for, like, 2 years! Isn’t this a little too much?”. And I was a bit taken back by this. Yeah, is not exactly true that I’m in love with him, but is not a lie either. What is more confusing ever. I gave an excuse, a very lame one on my opinion, and we changed the topic.
Hm, I’m such a confused being.
And the funny fact is that always that I go out with them I find myself silent in thoughts. Happy but troubled somehow.
It is not the first time this happens. Last time, we went to a nightclub – were I gave the trashiest yet amusingly glorious performance ever dancing Hot N Cold by Kate Perry – and had a blast. I went back home really late, or really early depending on your view.
On my way back home driving, it started to dawn. The light from the sun came behind me brightening the cat’s eyes on the road. On my vision, it was beautiful. But considering the state of my mood, I think just anything would be eighth world’s wonder.
I watched that while I pondered about the course my life was taking. I was so wrapped up in thoughts that I was driving quite slow, what is a rarity for I love to run.
Seems that they can always make me contemplate about the future, or anything related. Is that a bad thing?
Life can be a superb thing, don’t you think? Full of joy at times, full of sorrow at other, and they could even emerge together, but nonetheless always held together by the glue that is love and friendship.
Life is a paradox of infinite wonder, driven by our primordial instinct and need to be accepted and cherished. That having been said, the grandest question of them all must still be raised:
‘What is life without strife? Is it really a life at all?’
In a haze,
~Vanny
