…I found this old paper where I had written the following content:
‘It doesn’t matter if it has an end, it always has a beginning. What really matters is not the end of the road, but the road itself, as it never ends. The point of arrival doesn’t exist, just the exit point. [I want the infinity]’
Now I have no idea if I heard this somewhere or if it was I that thought about that, usually when I write things that I heard I put some quotation marks, but this has none.
Also, there was another paper with this one that says following:
‘I wanna hear about me,
Don’t wanna hear about anybody else,
Don’t wanna hear about what I should’ve done.
I want to see the only true me.’
Again, I can’t identify if it was a music I was listening to or if I made-up. But this last one I’m more to the side that I made-up, firstly because it has no musicality, secondly because if I ever write some lyrics it means that I know the music pretty well, meaning I would instantly recognize the song. (Also I tried to google the lyrics and I found none music.)
Yesterday, at college, we had a debate about beauty and the fashion industry. The subject affects me so much that I had to calm myself for long minutes in the bathroom and I also had trouble sleeping. I guess I know so much how beauty has its privileges that I don’t want to live if I’m not that pretty.
Twisted, isn’t it? To be that shallow, to want that much such a frivolous thing like ‘beauty’. I feel angry with myself, but I cannot help to still want it. Every girl wants to be pretty, don’t they?
Sigh.
Birthday is coming, I’m getting older.
I’m scared.
PMS mode on,
~Vanny
